Avoiding Moral Failure: 5 Danger Signs
Avoiding Moral Failure: 5 Danger Signs
Therefore, since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.
2 Corinthians 7:1
Twice in the last month, I’ve talked to people who lost a job or a family because they had affairs.
Last week I got an email from someone about another pastor who had an affair and is stepping back.
It’s heartbreaking.
My heart is broken for these people all of whom are Christian. They are devastated. Their families. Their friends. In at least two cases, their churches.
So, I ask myself "Why does this happen?" Why does it happen so frequently?
What do I have to watch for in my own life?
I've yet to meet anyone who sets out in their marriage to cheat. I've yet to meet anyone who sobers up hoping to relapse. I've not met anyone who took the job to steal.
In the beginning, most people I know have excellent motives…and then something happens.
While I’m sure the pattern varies between people and situations, I’ve seen some patterns. And I share them in the hopes they can help you.
1. Choosing isolation over community
Sin usually happens in secret. And the only way to keep secrets well is to cut yourself off from true community.
Isolation can be a very natural drift in leadership. But for the most part I believe loneliness and isolation are chosen not imposed. It's hard to get out to small group, or to find time for Bible study, or to make time for church. But I promise its worth it.
I know for me, I have to make sure someone in my life knows what’s really going on. And just because not everybody needs to know what’s going on in my life doesn’t mean no one needs to know.
Solitude is a gift from God. Isolation is a tool of the enemy.
2. Confession of Sin has stopped
I am convinced that confession is a lost art.
I think there is a reason Jesus included confession of sin in the Lord's prayer.
When I confess my sins, I need to not only look for the obvious, but for the cracks. For small sins that could become much bigger. For motives that aren’t pure. For thoughts that run off in dangerous directions.
I need to bring it all before God.
Ask yourself: when was the last time you confessed your sin before God?
3. Not thinking about consequences
When you sin, you desire the action but not the consequences. But sin always has consequences. Keeping the consequences in mind can be so so healthy.
The fear of consequences can be very healthy and quite motivating. It should be motivating.
I just would never want to betray the trust of the people I love the most and many others who would perhaps lose their faith because of a moral failure on my part.
4. Thinking the rules don't apply to me
When you start to think you are the exception. "Most people can't handle this, but I can." That's dangerous territory.
People who avoid accountability still eventually have to give account for their actions—when they get caught.
Isn’t it better to give account for your actions daily than to simply give an account for your actions when you get caught one day?
5. Seeing failure as the best escape
I didn't see this one myself. A friend showed me.
A woman she knew had an affair in an attempt to end her broken marriage. She did it on purpose, hoping to get caught. She didn't have the courage to have the hard conversations. She didn't have the strength or hope to seek counseling. So she cheated knowing her husband would divorce her.
That kind of cowardice is horribly destructive.
I know people who drink too much because of stress at work. Instead of dealing with the stress they escape to alcohol. I know people who steal for the adrenaline rush. It's an escape. I know people who overeat, buy stuff they can't afford, yell at their kids - all to numb the pain of some other area of life.
There are many healthier options.
Moral failure is not the end. If you have fallen, Jesus offers grace and mercy. But if you haven't fallen, Jesus calls you to seek to avoid these kinds of sin. Because even with forgiveness the damage and pain are often severe.
God wants more for us than that.
