Expectations

We had a baptism today.

A few years ago, after a winter baptism, I vowed, "Never again if the water is going to be that cold." I declared by lack of faith. A few minutes in cold water was not a fitting payment for eternal salvation! Maybe people should only be saved in pleasant temperatures. Sounds biblical, right?

But God provided a different solution. I became aware (somehow) of baptismal "heating elements". Bought one for a few hundred dollars and had it installed.

The first time I used it  - it didn't work well. It's supposed to be on for about 5 hours to warm the water. I'd only had it one for 2 or 3. It took the edge off but comfortable is not the right word.

The next time I decided I wouldn't take any chances. I turned it on the night before. Arrived the next morning and rain was coming down the side of the wall next to the baptismal. The room was more or less air tight and the heater had created a sauna effect.

This time I got it right. Woke up at 5:00am. Went over the church. Turned it on. Left the door open for ventilation. And came back to bed. It was fantastic. On a cold wet morning, the temperature of the water was very reasonable. Comfortable. Except for our feet.

The heating element sits about 18 inches from the floor. Heat rises. Everything above about 18 inches was comfortable. Below that was miserable.

To be honest, I'm disappointed. I wanted all the water to be comfortable. It might not be a realistic expectation, but it was (and is) mine.

This got me to thinking about expectations in general. They say, "Exceed expectations" is a great mantra for a business. And yet, I often find myself disappointed.

I expected that guy who said he was going to come to church to show up. He didn't.
I expected her to pay what she promised. She didn't. Now I have to pay.
I expected my team to win. They are a better team. They didn't. Now I'm unhappy.

What if we could live with less expectations and more just in the moment. I think my problem with expectations is that they are my attempts to predict and sometimes control a future that I just don't have much say in.

I'm still struggling with what to do with expectations. It's one of those pastoral things that I haven't made peace with yet. All I know is this, as much as I find myself disappointed when I place expectations on others, I am much more disappointed in myself for failing to live up to the expectations I put on me.

And that's why I love Jesus so much. He is good when I am not. He is faithful when I have failed. He is gracious when I am hard. Lord have mercy on me. Help me release some of the expectations. The ones I place on others and the ones I put on myself. Instead, help me to love well. Amen.