A Powerful Lesson I Learned from John McCain's Memorial

I've recently been preaching and writing a lot about the power of good questions. Last Sunday, I preached on the story when Jesus meets an invalid who'd been coming to the well for healing for 38 years. Jesus approaches. And he doesn't immediately heal the man. He doesn't shout "goodnews, mate! You are well."

Jesus approaches and asks what seems like a stupid question. "Do you want to be well?"

But as I reflected in the sermon, that question is more powerful that might first appear. It (I assume) forced the man to think and act in a way that he had not previously done.

I've been reading up on coaching as a form of leadership. The idea being that asking good questions rather than giving answers helps people grow.

This morning I was trying to read and heard John McCain's memorial on TV. The sounds from the TV disturbed my reading. So I got up. Went into the front room of our house and found my wife watching.

I stood there for a minute and offered an opinion on the funeral. I stood there for a few more minutes and left the room.

As I was walking away - I wondered, "Why did I just go into the room? Make a statement? And leave? What good did it do? What did I contribute? What did I want to happen?"

What I realized is this. (And it might seem small to you - but it's insight to me.) I often share my opinion in hopes that others will share theirs.

What I wanted was for Laura to share why she's watching the service, when I'm not interested in it. I want her to say, "I really admired John McCain." Or "I am interested to hear what George Bush and Barack Obama have to say." Or "I miss cathedral churches." Or "People at work are gonna be talking about this and I want to see it so I know what they're talking about."

I left the room because she simply heard my opinion and continued watching.

What I've learned is that stating an opinion is an ineffective way to get people to share theirs. I'm going to guess I'm not the only person who does this. So maybe my insight into myself with help someone else.