5 Keys to a Great Marriage

There are lots of things that go into a happy, healthy marriage. And it's not an exact science. There is mystery involved. But with work and nurture most marriages can be life-giving rather than life stealing. I'm doing some pre-marriage counseling later today, so in celebration of that here are 5 things you can keep in mind and practice that will help.

#1 – Every marriage has fights. Don't fight each other. Fight a common enemy. – A house divided is a house broken. Work as a team. Tackle problems and disagreements and challenges as a common enemy that you are both working to defeat. If you see your spouse as the enemy, you will both suffer. The problem is the enemy. Your spouse is your teammate.

#2 – Tim Keller in his book The Meaning of Marriage says that the "main enemy of marriage is self-centeredness." One implication is: stop asking God to fix your spouse and start asking God to fix you. No one is perfect… pointing fingers rarely does anyone any good. You can't control his/her behavior anyway. The most helpful thing to do is focus on what you can change... you. (Psalm 139:23-24 is a great prayer when looking for “opportunities for improvement.”)

#3 –You can't do it alone. Goodnews: You aren't alone. Ask for help... from God, from counselors and from friends. You are not the first couple that has struggled; you will not be the last. There are surprisingly good counseling resources in Bangkok. ICB can give you a referral you. But mostly - seek good friends who share your values. Don't hang with the "I hate my spouse club" it'll kill your marriage.

#4 – Ask God to give you generous eyes for your spouse – Seek God's perspective. Seeing your spouse as a son/daughter of the King might raise the question: How do you think God wants His child to be treated?

#5 – Always assume the best - Love always assumes the best about a person (see I Corinthians 13,) Our cynical world assumes the worst about everyone. It shouldn't be that way with someone we love.

(Singles, this is for you too, preparation goes a long way to making a happy marriage.)