How to think about hurt feelings
I have a friend who likes to remind everyone who complains about work that you can't take it personally. And there is truth to that. Lots of times we are simply caught in a system that is dysfunctional. Like if your boss is a bear and treats you poorly, take a look and see how he/she treats the other employees. Perhaps it's not about you, it's about the boss.
Of course, the flip side is also true. When you are treated well... that's not always personal either. I was in a restaurant for lunch. The owner came up and was chatting. I've met the guy before. We have some mutual friends. He recognized me and was super friendly. But we've only met once and the conversation was just polite. So his friendliness isn't really about ME. It's either about our mutual friend or it's about him trying to get repeat business. Nothing wrong with that... just a painful reminder not to take it too personally.
But let me push back.
Don't take it personally. But how else am I to take it? Am I supposed to take it like a chair?
I am a person. There is no other way to take it.
Someone wrote "that customer who doesn't like your product (your best work) or that running buddy who doesn't want to run with you any longer..." how else do you take it. It feels personal. It is personal.
That person who hurt your feelings, they don't truly know you, don't understand what you want or hear the voices in your head. All they know is themselves.
When someone moves on, when she walks away or even badmouths you or your work, it's not personal about you. It's personal about her. Her agenda, her decisions, her story.
Live your faith the best way you know how. Live it in community with people. Sometimes they'll thrill you, sometimes they'll disappoint you. Either way, it's rarely about you. It's about them. But you have to live anyway, right? Is there any other option?
Of course, the flip side is also true. When you are treated well... that's not always personal either. I was in a restaurant for lunch. The owner came up and was chatting. I've met the guy before. We have some mutual friends. He recognized me and was super friendly. But we've only met once and the conversation was just polite. So his friendliness isn't really about ME. It's either about our mutual friend or it's about him trying to get repeat business. Nothing wrong with that... just a painful reminder not to take it too personally.
But let me push back.
Don't take it personally. But how else am I to take it? Am I supposed to take it like a chair?
I am a person. There is no other way to take it.
Someone wrote "that customer who doesn't like your product (your best work) or that running buddy who doesn't want to run with you any longer..." how else do you take it. It feels personal. It is personal.
That person who hurt your feelings, they don't truly know you, don't understand what you want or hear the voices in your head. All they know is themselves.
When someone moves on, when she walks away or even badmouths you or your work, it's not personal about you. It's personal about her. Her agenda, her decisions, her story.
Live your faith the best way you know how. Live it in community with people. Sometimes they'll thrill you, sometimes they'll disappoint you. Either way, it's rarely about you. It's about them. But you have to live anyway, right? Is there any other option?
